Anger in Children

Anger is a dangerous and deadly poison that has the power to kill a relationship. The antidote is the forgiveness of Christ, the Holy Word of God, and the regenerate power of the Holy Spirit. We live in a Society that puts so much emphasis on the child's feelings, self-esteem, and freedom to express himself, it would seem that children would not be so consumed with anger these days. However, we are witnessing more and more children with all sorts of anger-related problems.

Parents are often left wondering how they lost control, what went wrong, and why their children are so bitter, stubborn and rebellious. These feelings and behaviors are full-blown results from a seed of anger that was nurtured and allowed to grow rather than weeded out. When anger is not biblically dealt with, it matures and expresses itself more consistently, establishing a bondage that slowly enslaves its victim.

Anger is often the common denominator for a number of behavior problems. While it's obvious that some behavior problems stem from anger, some are hidden. For instance, when children throw temper tantrums, hit other children, find satisfaction in being cruel, or lose all control after being disciplined (rather than repenting), it's easy to see how anger is behind it. However, we are often confused when assessing why our children struggle with issues such as talking back, demanding their own way, or indifference after being disciplined. Sometimes it's harder to detect the root cause for characteristics like these, but often they are the subtle manifestations of an angry heart.

Why are so many children characterized by anger these days? Could it be that some parents have given into modern psychology methods of child training, and so deceived themselves? Galatians 6:7 "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked." Even some Christian parents have fallen for the behavior modification and cognitive techniques that replace the wisdom of God with the wisdom of man. Proverbs 16:25 "There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death." God's way is the right way so we should look no further than His infallible Word which contains His divine instructions for parenting.

If you find that your child is struggling with an anger problem, let me encourage you to consider taking three steps in dealing with it.

Let your first course of action be a prayerful evaluation of your own heart. Do you struggle with anger? Matthew 7:3 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own." You must first examine your own heart for anger. If you find that this is an issue you struggle with, let your child know that you have sought God's forgiveness and have asked for His help in dealing with it. Perhaps you and your child could pray about it together. Seize the opportunity to let your child see your need for God and His intervention in your life.

The second step is to consider if you are provoking your child to anger. Paul says in Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Here are a few ways that parents can provoke their children to anger:

• Lack of marital harmony
• Establishing and maintaining a child-centered home
• Being inconsistent with discipline
• Being legalistic
• Not admitting when you are wrong and not asking for forgiveness
• Constantly finding fault

The third step is to respond biblically to your angry child. When you raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord you will be less likely to provoke them to anger. If you parent contrary to the word of God and follow pop psychology you almost certainly will. When your parenting is based on the wisdom of man rather than the wisdom of God, you will not see the fruit of the spirit that is promised in God's Word. Instead you will see anger and often rebellion. Galatians 5:22-23 "The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."

I recently heard one of the newest and most rapidly rising psychologist present his methods of child training. The television advertisement backed his claims with a few testimonies from parents who expressed how quickly Dr. So-in-So's methods reaped benefits in their children's behavior. Dear parents, we don't need Dr. So-in-So's methods - we need God's methods. While some of the modern ideas sound good and may even reap some outward benefits, keep in mind that we are not merely after outward benefits (outward actions), but rather inward benefits (inward cleansing) - we are after the very heart of our children.

We often question our methods and wonder if we are raising our children right. If we make sure that the methods we use for disciplining, training, and instructing our children can be validated with Scripture, we can be confident that we are raising our children the right way - which is God's way. Ephesians 6:4 confirms that any method that is contrary to God's Word will provoke them to anger. Keep in mind that anger often manifests itself in many different forms and so it is often camouflaged by more subtle sins. Therefore, we must ask the Lord to reveal any hidden anger and bring to light that which is lurking in the dark waiting to devour our relationship with our children. God has given us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3) - we need not look to man-made philosophies and methods.

• Reaching the Heart of Your Child - three-session video series by Ginger Plowman.
• Wise Words for Moms by Ginger Plowman. From Preparing the Way Ministry.
• Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp (Shepherd Press).
• The Gospel for Children by John Leuzarder (Shepherd Press). www.shepherdpress.com